I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
