They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
