I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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