needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
