You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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