The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
