i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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