This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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