There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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