Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
