had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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