Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Randomize
