we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
