??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
