U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
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