Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
