We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
