One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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