Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize