those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
