so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
