We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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