uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
