So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
