someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
