I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
3pm strippers are depressing
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
