I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize