you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
