Tell her she can't have a vagina
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
