if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
