Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
