I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I need water and some morals
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
