my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
