WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
