the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
