So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
