another moral hangover. fuck.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
