I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you will always have a special place in my vag
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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