Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Randomize
