I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I CAN MOONWALK!
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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