i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
