My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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