Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
