he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
