I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
