You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
