I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
