So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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