Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
