you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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