I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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