Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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