She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
