I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
