I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Someone came in the potted fern
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
