just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
