mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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