I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
