i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He shit in the fireplace
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
