I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
