I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
