The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
