You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
