just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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