you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
