So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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