i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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