There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
