I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.