i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
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The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
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I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.