I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
