susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Randomize
