dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Bring me that man meat
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
