some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
