Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize