I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
