Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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