I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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