Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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