thus making me awesome and them whores
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
