her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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